Have you ever felt like your mind is louder than your voice?
You know when you have to keep your mouth shut. But there’s no switch to turn off your mind. Even in the split second before you decide what to say, your mind is always one step ahead, playing tricks on you. What if they can’t hear me clearly? What if someone suddenly interrupts me? What if no one even notices what I say? You know you’ve heard these questions a lot, in your head. It’s all in your head, where no one else can hear it. They keep repeating themselves every time you try to speak. It can happen once, three times, or even more in a day, as many times as you try to get involved in a conversation. Wait, I mean a conversation with people you are not truly comfortable with. You might replay those questions over and over again for days, months, and years every single time you have to deal with those kinds of people. And, unfortunately for people like us, there are far more people like them than the kind we feel comfortable with.
Oftentimes, we hear people telling us, “You’re too quiet.” And having only a few friends in every circle is nothing new. Never being the center of attention? Well, we are not looking for everyone’s attention anyway. Wanting to disappear at a party or any social event? Wishing you had a superpower to be invisible so that no one would look at you with pitiful eyes for not having anybody to talk to? The truth is, we are comfortable that way. Having no one to talk to feels better than having to engage in a conversation on another boring subject.
But still, doesn’t it anger you when people look down on you for being “too quiet”? Or when they misunderstand you because being “too quiet” makes you seem dull, uncool, and unwanted? And you start to wonder if they ever think of it another way. What if they are the boring ones?
You know what the majority of people who know you think of you. “Right, she/he is smart, but…” It’s like the only thing they acknowledge is the quality of your brain, which always ends with a “but.” In my country, being smart is not the most favorable thing, especially when you are a girl. You would often hear comments like, “Why would you go to college if you are only going to be a mom and end up cooking in the kitchen?” If you were a girl, you would only need to be pretty and overly cheerful. Then, whoa, a man comes to date you and marry you. Then, boom, you have a kid or two, and you know the rest of the story.
Sometimes, some people do not even give you a chance to speak because they think you have no opinions, again, for being “too quiet.” I know this is not the case for you, for all of us. Don’t you ever feel like shouting in a crowd of people something like, “Hey! I want to talk too!”? But you know it’s going to be useless. Once they see you as an introvert, their impression of you becomes someone who can’t say more than a few words in a conversation.
Yeah, I’m tired of this too. Sometimes I want to jump out there and face life while pretending to be an extrovert. I know I could do that. I might even pull it off. But then again, we only live once. Why should we live this life being busy pleasing everybody who does not really care about our happiness? Why can’t we just focus on people who truly care for us?
I’m sure you’ve heard this too from your loved ones, close friends, or anyone who knows you well. They always tell you that you are a great friend, an amazing person. And it’s such a pity that not everyone gets to see that side of you. Yeah, that’s the real you. Being an introvert simply means you recharge your social energy differently. Being an introvert doesn’t make you less interesting. It’s just that some people never get to see this fantastic side of you. You are special.
Cherish yourself and cherish those who cherish you too.
